Love the Body Electric
By Ty Bradley, Lay Leader Resurrection Beach MCC
A year ago, I encouraged readers to look at love as a practice of discipline, requiring us to invest more, endure more and ultimately expect more from our relationships. This year, I want to explore spiritual questions related to sex? Physical intimacy is, after all, a fundamental element of human love.
The Apostle Paul compares the human body to a temple. Paul’s words imply that our bodies are, in a sense, sacred; worthy of considerable amount of care and awe.
We have been blessed with one body. Every aspect of the body, along with its capabilities, is the most important tool one can possess to lead a satisfying, fully expressed life. We must consider in depth the question of how, when, where and why to share it sexually with others in the most intimate manner.
This does not mean that our culture’s traditional mores and socially enforced constructs are justifiably forced upon us as it relates to sex.
One person may conclude that healthy sexual contact requires a monogamous, two-person relationship in which both individuals provide ample evidence to each other of their commitment and trustworthiness before intimacy can occur. There is certainly nothing wrong with this. In fact, it is arguably one of the most physically and emotionally safest way to structure one’s sex life.
On the contrary, the other person may determine that sexuality can be expressed in a completely healthy and spiritually sound manner while maintaining intimate relationships with multiple partners. This can be true even if some or all of the partners do not enjoy an equal level of commitment and established trust. Although it may be a more complicated situation, there is nothing wrong with this, either.
Still, the more complicated a situation is, the more attention we must give to protecting our health and the health of our partners. Everything is not always spiritually healthy when it comes to sex. Sex can be abused more insidiously and with greater consequence than any other kind of human interaction. The damage that so many of us carry in our spirits, bodies and minds as a result of the “wrong” kinds of sexual experience is heartbreaking, especially when that sexual brokenness reproduces itself by the victimization of others.
Non-traditional sexual expression does not define or result in sexual brokenness. Sex can play a destructive role in the lives of those with the most vanilla and religiously “acceptable” sex lives. Likewise, sex can be completely fulfilling, healthy and mutually rewarding through non-traditional elements, including participation in various fetish behavior.
In fact, fetishes can serve to strengthen sexual health. Fetishes are not taught to us, they are not ingrained in us as a result of our upbringing or socialization. Like queer sexuality, a fetish is something we discover by accident or incidental exposure that for some unknown reason pushes the right combination of buttons in us and lets us know we have an affinity for it.
In short, fetishes can remind us of something important: Human sexuality is a wondrous thing. It is a gift we receive without instruction beyond the admonition to use it with our and our partner’s best interests in mind. We are invited to explore it, safely and responsibly, but with curiosity and a sense of discovery.
There is reciprocity between sexuality and spirituality. The more we are secure in who we are, what and who keep us grounded and what boundaries are right for us, the more we are able to manage our sexuality. Conversely, the intense, unparalleled intimacy of sexual expression helps us connect to the deepest parts of our lives, exposing areas in need of nurturing or reinforcing our confidence in areas where we are strong and self-assured. This should not be undervalued.
Your sexuality belongs to you; it is tied closely to your body and it is up to you to define how you use it. Understand that your temple is sacred, as are the temples of those with whom you choose to be intimate. Sexual wholeness is a spiritually rich thing and should be celebrated. May we all celebrate responsibly with the one, or ones, we love.
Erik Edler is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Seal Beach. He can be contacted at (949) 735-1725 or visit www.erikedler.com.