Fostering Real Family Values in OC
BY MARY KAY SCHEID
Proposition 8 may have denied same-sex couples the legal right to marry, but it certainly did not change the fact that countless LGBT couples are in committed relationships. Unfortunately, countless children are living without a loving family. When a same-sex couple decides to invite a child into their lives, the results are often spectacular.
Cynthia Stogel, foster -care adoption coordinator for Children’s Bureau of Southern California, oversees the adoption component of the organization’s foster-care program. The Children’s Bureau is a licensed foster care and adoption agency authorized to “recruit, train, approve, and work” with applicants in six local counties, including Orange and Los Angeles counties. “We do not do international or private adoptions,” Stogel says. “We are working with families who have their children removed from them because of abuse or neglect.” Stogel cannot recall how long she has been facilitating same-sex family adoptions, but she knows they “have been doing it for many years.” In addition to traditional couples, single people and unmarried heterosexual couples are also welcome. The family dynamic is not always apparent through the written application. “I think it becomes clear [who they are] as the family applies and we get to know them,” Stogel explained.
When asked if there were places same-sex couples were prohibited from fostering, Stogel replied, “Not here certainly. I don’t know about other states. I suppose any agency can do what they want.” Children need families “who will be loving and nurturing and provide a safe environment,” Stogel said. Ideally, a foster-care placement will lead to adoption. The process can take anywhere from six to 18 months. Adoption cannot be finalized until a child has been in the home for at least six months, and many cases take longer because “the courts want to make sure that the birth parents have the legal amount of time to get their lives together.”
To facilitate the process and to ease the transition, the Children’s Bureau provides copious support: social workers make weekly home visits for at least the first three months and are always available by phone; a psychologist reviews the children’s progress; there are support groups, mentoring, training, and referral resources.
The families receive a foster-care subsidy based on the child’s age. Once adoption is finalized, families receive “an adoption assistance subsidy that will last until the child is 18 or 21, depending on needs.” Adopted children are also entitled to Medi-Cal; however, Stogel added, “often families end up switching to their own private insurance.” Financial considerations are a part of the application process. “We don’t want a family to go into financial crisis because of adoption,” Stogel explained. “We have families who live in apartments and families in very lovely six-bedroom homes. We don’t assess people on how much money they make, but on if they can live on their income.”
According to Stogel, there is a variety of children who need homes: “We have a large population of 0- to 5-year-olds. We also have families adopting teenagers.” Younger children have likely been exposed to drugs and alcohol, so adoptive parents need to be familiar with issues surrounding prenatal exposure to addictive substances. Older children understand more about what is happening to them, so the Children’s Bureau provides support to “help them deal with grief and loss.” Whatever a couple may be seeking, they are likely to find, Stogel said, lamenting that “[we] have more children that need families, than we do families who want children.”
Kerri Draper and Karla Cleghorn are a Children’s Bureau success story. The two welcomed 14-month-old Eddie into their homes in 2005. “It took about a year before we went through the finalization,” which occurred Aug. 29, 2006, Draper said. After looking at other agencies, Draper and Cleghorn chose the Children’s Bureau and have been impressed by the amount of support they receive: “We have people we can talk to whenever we want,” Draper added.
Draper and Cleghorn have been together for 23 years. Cleghorn is a teacher and Draper, a former research technician, is a full-time mother. “Being a stay-at-home mom is much rougher than going to work,” she said. In their O.C. neighborhood, Draper has not experienced any discrimination; at least not overtly. The neighborhood parents get together and the kids play.
The couple wanted a younger child, birth – 2 years old. Describing their experience, Draper said, “They call you and say, ‘we have this baby’ and ask if you want to take him or not. You meet him, or her, and you decide.” Eddie’s birth parents were unable to care for him. In some cases, such parents wish to stay in the child’s life. During the fostering relationship, birth parents are allowed visitation, and Draper and Cleghorn met with Eddie’s birth parents.
Adoptive parents are issued a new certificate of birth when adoption is finalized. Often they choose a new name for the child. Draper and Cleghorn kept Eddie’s first name (Everardo) but gave him a new middle name and the last name “Cleghorn-Draper.” Eddie adjusted easily to the change, according to Draper.
Eddie’s home environment is loving, but different, and beyond the basic challenges of parenting, Draper said her biggest challenge lies ahead. “When,” she pondered, “do you say he has two moms?”
To learn more about the Children’s Bureau, call (213) 342-0100 or visit www.all4kids.org.
Proposition 8 may have denied same-sex couples the legal right to marry, but it certainly did not change the fact that countless LGBT couples are in committed relationships. Unfortunately, countless children are living without a loving family. When a same-sex couple decides to invite a child into their lives, the results are often spectacular.
Cynthia Stogel, foster -care adoption coordinator for Children’s Bureau of Southern California, oversees the adoption component of the organization’s foster-care program. The Children’s Bureau is a licensed foster care and adoption agency authorized to “recruit, train, approve, and work” with applicants in six local counties, including Orange and Los Angeles counties. “We do not do international or private adoptions,” Stogel says. “We are working with families who have their children removed from them because of abuse or neglect.” Stogel cannot recall how long she has been facilitating same-sex family adoptions, but she knows they “have been doing it for many years.” In addition to traditional couples, single people and unmarried heterosexual couples are also welcome. The family dynamic is not always apparent through the written application. “I think it becomes clear [who they are] as the family applies and we get to know them,” Stogel explained.
When asked if there were places same-sex couples were prohibited from fostering, Stogel replied, “Not here certainly. I don’t know about other states. I suppose any agency can do what they want.” Children need families “who will be loving and nurturing and provide a safe environment,” Stogel said. Ideally, a foster-care placement will lead to adoption. The process can take anywhere from six to 18 months. Adoption cannot be finalized until a child has been in the home for at least six months, and many cases take longer because “the courts want to make sure that the birth parents have the legal amount of time to get their lives together.”
To facilitate the process and to ease the transition, the Children’s Bureau provides copious support: social workers make weekly home visits for at least the first three months and are always available by phone; a psychologist reviews the children’s progress; there are support groups, mentoring, training, and referral resources.
The families receive a foster-care subsidy based on the child’s age. Once adoption is finalized, families receive “an adoption assistance subsidy that will last until the child is 18 or 21, depending on needs.” Adopted children are also entitled to Medi-Cal; however, Stogel added, “often families end up switching to their own private insurance.” Financial considerations are a part of the application process. “We don’t want a family to go into financial crisis because of adoption,” Stogel explained. “We have families who live in apartments and families in very lovely six-bedroom homes. We don’t assess people on how much money they make, but on if they can live on their income.”
According to Stogel, there is a variety of children who need homes: “We have a large population of 0- to 5-year-olds. We also have families adopting teenagers.” Younger children have likely been exposed to drugs and alcohol, so adoptive parents need to be familiar with issues surrounding prenatal exposure to addictive substances. Older children understand more about what is happening to them, so the Children’s Bureau provides support to “help them deal with grief and loss.” Whatever a couple may be seeking, they are likely to find, Stogel said, lamenting that “[we] have more children that need families, than we do families who want children.”
Kerri Draper and Karla Cleghorn are a Children’s Bureau success story. The two welcomed 14-month-old Eddie into their homes in 2005. “It took about a year before we went through the finalization,” which occurred Aug. 29, 2006, Draper said. After looking at other agencies, Draper and Cleghorn chose the Children’s Bureau and have been impressed by the amount of support they receive: “We have people we can talk to whenever we want,” Draper added.
Draper and Cleghorn have been together for 23 years. Cleghorn is a teacher and Draper, a former research technician, is a full-time mother. “Being a stay-at-home mom is much rougher than going to work,” she said. In their O.C. neighborhood, Draper has not experienced any discrimination; at least not overtly. The neighborhood parents get together and the kids play.
The couple wanted a younger child, birth – 2 years old. Describing their experience, Draper said, “They call you and say, ‘we have this baby’ and ask if you want to take him or not. You meet him, or her, and you decide.” Eddie’s birth parents were unable to care for him. In some cases, such parents wish to stay in the child’s life. During the fostering relationship, birth parents are allowed visitation, and Draper and Cleghorn met with Eddie’s birth parents.
Adoptive parents are issued a new certificate of birth when adoption is finalized. Often they choose a new name for the child. Draper and Cleghorn kept Eddie’s first name (Everardo) but gave him a new middle name and the last name “Cleghorn-Draper.” Eddie adjusted easily to the change, according to Draper.
Eddie’s home environment is loving, but different, and beyond the basic challenges of parenting, Draper said her biggest challenge lies ahead. “When,” she pondered, “do you say he has two moms?”
To learn more about the Children’s Bureau, call (213) 342-0100 or visit www.all4kids.org.